Today I was talking with a client. We were speculating on how our view of personal history evolves as we age.
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Our first view is how well our needs are met in-utero to age five–or how poorly our needs were met.
If our needs were met poorly in our family of origin, we tend to internalize a stark, two dimensional and colorless worldview in our unconscious.
The more an individual suffered a great deal of early abuse, the more their early “view” appears like a haunted house.
If your needs were met in early childhood, you will already be at the second stage, the “rose-colored glasses” stage. Whether you had a fulfilling childhood–or not–people in their 30s tend to look back on their childhood seeing primarily the good things: Mom did her best, Dad did his best and so on; “It wasn’t really so bad.”
Our personal world view only evolves beyond this idealized image when we individually choose to walk a path of personal-spiritual growth and/or after age 45 our outer life hits a crisis point.
When and if we re-examine our stage two “rose-colored glasses” view of our own personal history, we gradually uncover things which do not add up. We may notice the incongruity of words and deeds in our caregivers.
We begin to expand beyond assuming “everything was fine,” and, “give them the benefit of the doubt” to a more nuanced, more colorful, more three-dimensional view of our personal history.
The benefit of evolving our view? In this third view we are more likely to have compassion for ourself for surviving our childhood; and, have compassion for our early caregivers, who had little or no personal growth, no training at all, of their own.
Getting to this third stage is especially helpful if your early childhood was especially horrendous or altogether emotionally neglectful. The more colorful, more nuanced, more three-dimensional view is more healing the more stark and ghastly the reality of your early childhood was.
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Author, Health Intuitive, Bruce Dickson online: